This is not a topic you will hear much about when the college discussion comes up, or when reading college planning articles, but it is one worth exploring. You may feel like you are all supposed to have everything figured out, the school, the finances, and the major.
However, some high school kids have not figured out what they want to do with their life yet. And that is OK.
Summer is supposed to feel like a break. But if you’re the parent of a rising senior who still has no idea where — or even whether — they want to go to college, this particular summer probably doesn’t feel much like one.
I hear this a lot: “My kid is interested in everything and committed to nothing.” Or the flip side — “They have no idea what they want to do, so they don’t see the point of any of it.”
Here’s the truth: this is more common than you think, and it doesn’t have to derail the process. But it does require a different approach — because pushing harder on a kid who’s already shut down rarely ends well.
First, Separate Their Indecision from Your Timeline
Think about this — the college application process was designed around deadlines, not around human development. Some 17-year-olds genuinely don’t know what they want yet, and that’s not a failure. It’s actually pretty normal.
What is a problem is letting their uncertainty become a reason to do nothing — because the financial and logistical decisions don’t wait for clarity. Deposits, financial aid packages, scholarship deadlines — these have hard stops.
So, the first move is to separate two things:
- What your child needs to figure out (direction, interest, fit)
- What you need to drive forward (the financial strategy, the list, the paperwork)
You can do your job even while they’re still working on theirs.
Give Them a Smaller Question to Answer
One of the most common mistakes I see — in conversations with clients’ kids — is someone asking too big a question too soon. “What do you want to do with your life?” is paralyzing. No wonder they go quiet.
Try a smaller focus:
- What don’t you want? Sometimes elimination is easier than selection. A kid who can’t name a dream school can often rattle off everything they don’t want — huge lecture halls, a campus in the middle of nowhere, a school that feels like an extension of high school.
- What lights you up, even a little? It doesn’t have to be a major or a career. A flicker of interest in food science, environmental policy, or film is enough to start building a list around.
- What kind of experience do you want? Big campus energy vs. small community? Urban vs. rural? Close to home or far away? These aren’t career questions — they’re easier to answer, and they narrow the field considerably.
The goal isn’t a five-year plan. The goal is to have enough direction to build a working college list.
Build the List Anyway — With a Financial Safety Built In
Here’s where I push back a little with families: don’t wait for your child to fall in love with a school before you start building the list. Build it around them.
I watched literally hundreds of families fall in love with the university where I worked while on tour, and heard parents say repeatedly, “Well, they love it here, I guess this is it”, without any acknowledgement of price. (It was a beautiful campus on the ocean.)
Which is part of my point here, money has to enter the conversation.
Consider this — every list needs at least one school where:
- Your child would genuinely attend if accepted
- Acceptance is very likely given their academic profile
- The cost is manageable without merit aid — or where merit aid is highly likely
Item #3 is the financial safety, and it’s the one most families forget. I’ve worked with families who built a great, balanced academic list and ended up with no good financial options when the merit scholarship and financial aid letters came in.
That’s a painful place to be in April of senior year.
An undecided kid is actually a good candidate for schools with strong exploratory or undecided tracks — many excellent schools make it easy to start broad and declare later. That’s a selling point, not a compromise.
Have the Money Conversation Now — Not in April
If your child is lukewarm on the whole college idea, the last thing you want is a financial surprise making the decision harder. Or better yet, committing to a school with a high cost of attendance. Before senior year starts, have an honest conversation about what you can afford — and what you’re willing to spend.
That means knowing:
- Your student aid index (what FAFSA will calculate for financial aid eligibility)
- What a realistic merit aid scenario looks like at different types of schools
- Whether there’s a ceiling on what you’ll borrow or co-sign, or pay monthly
- What a gap year looks like financially if it comes to that
In my experience, kids who “can’t decide” sometimes can’t decide because they’re sensing — correctly — that the adults around them haven’t fully worked it out either.
When you can have a clear, calm money conversation, it often takes pressure off the whole thing.
What If They’re Genuinely Resistant?
Some kids aren’t undecided — they’re resistant. They don’t want to go, or they’re not ready, and no amount of campus tours is going to change that this summer.
If that’s your situation, here’s what I’d suggest:
- Don’t force it. A reluctant freshman who isn’t ready is an expensive mistake — both financially and emotionally.
- Explore alternatives openly. Gap years, community college, certificate programs, and work experience are legitimate options. Treating them as such (rather than as failures) often reduces the pressure enough that kids can think.
- Keep the financial strategy moving anyway. Even if college is deferred a year, your savings, your tax picture, and your aid eligibility will all benefit from planning now.
The Bottom Line
An undecided kid in the summer before senior year is not a crisis — it’s a signal to adjust your approach. Lead with smaller questions, build the financial picture regardless, and make sure the list includes at least one option that works for your family no matter what.
The goal isn’t to manufacture enthusiasm your child doesn’t feel yet. It’s to make sure that when they do get there — and most of them do — you’ve kept the door open and the options real.
That’s what good planning looks like.
-DC
